Six years ago when I started my personal blog, Mommy Needs Coffee, the title was cute. I had no problem being called a mommy blog. I did not mind that the word "mommy" was in my title and url. In fact, I thought it was cute because I still had a toddler calling me mommy. Time marches on and now I have two teenagers and a second grader. There is not a lot of "mommy blogging" left in me. I have considered changing my blog title more than once. A name to reflect who I am now. The laid back mom? The professional author with representation? The freelance writer on the hunt for the next article or job? Or do I just let my writing represent who I have evolved into and let the name stand as the brand I have created over the last six years?

Can you successfully change your online identity? If you are a mommy blogger, can you change your blog name, what you write about and still keep your audience? If you are making money with ads because of your traffic, is it worth the change to have your blog better represent who you have become and who you want to put out there. There have been more than one successful blogger that has been able to do this.

One such blog that has a huge following went for the name change and she seemed to become even more adored. When Chris went from Big Yellow House to Notes From the Trenches, her audience followed her. Her blog name changed but her stories stayed the same fun and heart warming stories she had always written. It was a name change more than a massive blog overhaul.

Now take another mom blogger who has been around for years and became very well known by her blog name/identity. In fact, it wasn't until recently many of her readers discovered her real name. Many of us read, knew and hung out with Izzy of IzzyMom. In one amazing leap of faith she decided to shed that identity that many readers knew her as and started over. Meet Janet:

I’ve now reached a point where I’m more willing to self-censor, if necessary, for the trade-off of being who I am and opening a door that has been barely cracked to most of the people in my life. This decision didn’t come easily but it was obvious my passion was starting to wither, that I no longer felt like living up to what was expected of me. So—no more carefully crafted “pieces” on specific topics, no more writing to avoid land mines…

In exchange for my freedom, I’ve chosen to give up steady ad revenue checks every month and a fair amount of name recognition/popularity, as well as the holy trinity of blogging…traffic, page rank and comments.

It takes a special act of bravery for a well known mommy blogger to do that. But for many of us, we have thought of and perhaps dreamed of doing the same thing.

What about the other side of the coin? What about bloggers who blog about infertility and then become moms? Do they lose the following they had gained through shared experiences? What about the community they create around a shared experience?

Many of us have followed Julia of Here Be Hippogriffs.

Julia Litton had four miscarriages over the course of three years before conceiving her son, Patrick, 5. And four years ago, the 35-year-old began trying to have another baby—and entered the dizzying world of assisted reproductive techniques. Seven more miscarriages and multiple fertility treatments later, Julia and her husband conceived twins. Caroline and Edward were born in 2008.

I know I was not alone each time I would log onto her site and read about another heartbreaking miscarriage. Though, I did not know her personally, I wept each time she had another miscarriage. However, after she had her twins, Caroline and Edward, did I stop caring about her? Not at all. Now I began enjoying reading about her adventures with Patrick and the twins.

But could becoming a mom after being an infertility blogger cause a blogger to lose her readers?

I have followed Julie of A Little Pregnant long before she was pregnant. I held my breath with her through all of her trials and infertility challenges. I wept when she became a mom to Charlie who was 10 weeks premature. Her site is an amazing showcase of talented writing and stories that will make you laugh, cry and cheer with her. It may even help you.

This site started as my personal journal during my first IVF cycle. As the days wore on and it became clear that this wasn't going to be a garden-variety pregnancy, I spent a lot of time scouring the Internet to learn more about what was happening to me. But I wasn't always able to find the kind of information that would have helped me.

This led me to continue my journal in a more public way. I don't know that anyone who stumbles across my highly opinionated account of my personal experiences will find it exactly useful, but I suppose it's theoretically possible.

Perhaps there are some who stopped reading these blogs because they were there for the commonality of the topic, but for those who left, there were many who came and read these blogs that were new to them.

Whether it is the former mommyblogger who is no longer writing about her children but about her life in general with no expectations or the infertility blogger who became a mom and is now writing about life as a mother, bloggers grow. Bloggers change.

And some of us have the courage to do it out loud for the entire blogosphere to enjoy!

---

Okay. So I admit it. I have issues with expiration dates. It drives my Geek-Man nuts. An example: If my potato chips have an expiration date of, say, August 23rd, I will stop eating them by August 21st. Sometimes, I may push it to the actual date on the bag, but that is rare. I need to be very hungry without many options. (Not that I am eating chips and cheating on my diet or anything. No sirree! Well, maybe a few now and then, but don't tell on me, okay?) Milk (or any such dairy product) falls into an area where there is no grey...it is black and white. No drinking milk or eating anything dairy within 3 days of an expiration date.

Why am I like this? I totally blame my sister.

Growing up as her little sister and pretty much wanting to do anything I could to please her, I would do just about anything she asked me to do. So, starting young, it was a very common thing in my house to hear the phrase "Taste this and see if it is stale/fresh/tastes funny." And ~duh~ I always would. Worse yet, I never thought anything of it! How lucky for her, though, to have her own personal food tester.

Geek-Man has tried on several occassions to explain to me that "Best used by..." really means best used by and not "you will wither up and die a horrible death that includes much vomitting if you eat this". Whatever, dear, I am not eating it.

It didn't really hit me until last night when I heard Kidlet Sr say to Kidlet Jr "Taste this and see if it is still good" that I realized how ridiculous it seems. Even more so when I heard Kidlet Jr say "Okay" and then eat the offered "test-food". I guess sibling issues aren't new, they are just recycled.

Oh, and for those of you who are wondering, no, I will not taste anything you offer to see if it is still good, but it seems that Kidlet Jr will and on occassion, just to shut me up, so will Geek-Man.

I found out I am a 4-letter word. No. Not that one. Shame on you if you thought something bad about me!

My Bloginality is ENFP!!!

Do you know me? Do you agree? Let me know.

What are you? Let me know that, too.

Oh, and for anyone who said any not so nice four letter words, we will pretend you meant nice, kind and cool....okay?

The times, they are a changin'. Or something like that. I have made some big steps towards evolving my blog into more me and, well, less Blogger. (Not that I have anything against Blogger. I would just rather own than rent, you know?) I have gotten a new domain name. I have downloaded some really fun and interesting things to add to my site. Now, the only thing that is getting me crazed...I know very little about making graphics and templates and all of that other fun stuff that you have to do when you...branch out on your own. Any of you experienced, "independent" bloggers have any suggestions on where to begin? I would love to hear about anything from the basics to artwork/graphics to fun add-ons. Of course, I will stay here and rent until the new home is up, but isn't half the fun of a new place setting it up? Or so I am told. Or so I am going to tell myself at 2:00am when I am banging my head on my keyboard and spitting hot coffee at my monitor. Will someone remind me that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger?

I don't think I will ever get used to turning on the tv and seeing a live shot of thousands of people in New York city looking chaotic. According to the story on CNN it is not something to worry about as far as terrorism. But really, will there ever be a time where this doesn't send your mind into overdrive and your heart skip a beat in fear?

I want to go back to pre 911 when there wasn't so much fear. Where we felt safe because we thought we were invinsible. Take me back!

I need a vacation. Not a family vacation. Not an exotic trip or anything so interesting. I just want to be alone for a while. I want to go to the bathroom and not have little fingers wiggling under the door attached to a little person asking when I am coming out. I would really like to consider going out to dinner a luxurious treat, not the fact that I am going to the grocery store alone. Maybe I have a touch of burnout? The last time I went somewhere alone (stores don't count) was a few MONTHS ago. That is too long.

Here is what I am thinking. A weekend. Just a weekend. A hotel with room service and a big comfy bed would be heaven. Oh yes, and a phone whose ringer can be turned off would seal the deal. I don't want to do much. Just take a nap if I want to. Sleep late. Watch something on tv that is not animated, doesn't sing silly songs and there are no people in animal costumes. I'll bring a book and my comfy blanket and my softest most comfortable pj's. (And I won't get out of them unless I am taking a hot bubble bath!)

Ahhh, sounds so heavenly.

But reality calls. I hear the Diva asking for the Wiggles, so my little hotel fantasy will have to wait. But hopefully not for long! This mama needs a break!

My Game Cube tried to commit suicide today. I think it was having abandonment issues since the boys went back to school. There was a power surge this afternoon when Kidlet Jr was playing that would normally just cause a hiccup in the game, but the GC took the opportunity to climb on the ledge of the electronic high rise. I tried to talk to talk it down. I promised that I would let the boys play in the afternoon for a while. No go. I promised that I would let them play on the weekends even if it was nice outside and I wanted to send them outside to play. Not even a tiny "power-on" flicker of a light. Finally, I convinced it to work because I told it that I would let the Diva play Finding Nemo during the day. I guess that worked. The power light flickered on briefly and then came back strong. Crisis averted.

After a few years with someone, you get to know the hidden meanings behind their words. After being with my Geek-Man for more than half of my life, we have come up with our own code. (No, not the kind where we hid under the blankets with our flashlights and came up with a secret code book.) There are just certain phrases or words that really mean something entirely different than what you hear. Don't all couples have this? To illustrate, here are some of our codes:

"Just so you know" really means: This is how it is going to be and I am telling you so that you can't say you didn't know about it later on. (Sidenote: there is no discussion when a conversation starts with "just so you know")

"In case you were wondering" means: You should've asked about this, but since you haven't, I am going to tell you. (Sidenote: Usually this is said in a rather sarcastic tone so that the recipient knows that (s)he is in trouble.)

"Wanna snuggle?" means: Wanna have sex? (said by the male)

"I just wanna snuggle." means: You're not getting sex. (said by the female)

"Does this make me look fat?"(or other variations of that question spoken by the woman) means: I feel insecure and you need to tell me I look good.

"Wow. You sure have been working hard" (usually used when the other person has been outside working in the heat or has been exercising) means: You really need to go take a shower.

And the all time favorite:

"Yes, dear." means: Whatever you say because I am really not listening but I don't want to get into trouble by admitting that.

I would share more, but couples need some secrets, right? What about you? Do you have a code, too? (And don't you dare answer me with "Yes, dear!")

I've realized this week that I really do appreciate my girlfriends (usually referred to here as The Moms). Of course, there are the usual reasons that we all appreciate our friends, but this week, I am just so thankful that they listen. Well, maybe it would be more accurate to say I am thankful because they let me talk. (They don't even have to listen most of the time.) Let's face it, most men are not equipped to listen for as long as we women can talk nor do they have the ability to just let us talk at great lenghts unless there are several points made and facts given. I think that perhaps their heads might actually implode if they tried.

Take for instance My Geek-Man. Once on a long trip when I had probably been talking way too much and he had probably lost the ability to just let his eyes glaze over and merely nod when I pause, he actually said these words to me, "You know, dear (Sidenote: "Dear" is never good. It means: 'I am using this term of endearment because what I am really about to say is going to piss you off'.) You tend to talk a lot and use many words, but rarely do you actually say anything." He did get a sharp punch to the arm, in case were wondering.

But he was right. (Don't tell him I said that, though. I will deny it!) I can talk. A lot. So, I am very thankful to my girlfriends for listening (or pretending to) because this week, I did a lot of talking. And crying. So even though I am not always sure how to make friends with women, I sure am thankful to the ones I have (and the new ones I am making!) Because, I for one, am not really into the idea of watching my husband's head implode.

Imagine my surprise this morning when I stumbled into the office with my first cup of coffee (okay, say it with me ahhhhhhh) to catch up on some of my favorite blogs when I saw that Allison has me as a featured site. (Thanks Allison!) It was a nice surprise, though. Not one of those "spit out your coffee all over your monitor" things. So, if you have stumbled here from her javalicious site, welcome to this caffeinated Mom's blog. Coffee Moms Unite!

A friend told me that my template wasn't looking right. That the "about me" stuff was overlapping the blog entries and making them very hard to try to read. Eeek! If you see it this way (or any problems with the blog), could you email me or comment me to let me know. I can't see it that way on my system, so really, if it looks that way, I am not even sure how to fix it anyway. So, consider this my official "shout-out" for your help if you see things messed up. Thanks!

The following is a Public Service Announcement: Given that I have whined and moped about the first day of school, it is pretty much a given that I will update that paritcular mental obsession first. If you are completely over it and don't want to hear about it, check back later. I am sure my focus will have changed by then. I do tend to be an ADD blogger.) We now return you to our regularly scheduled blog.

I did it! I got them dropped off at school and did the whole PTA coffee and meeting with no tears...well, none that the kidlets saw. (And really, it was more like "watery eyes" than tears. So I will call it a "tear-free" day.) Okay, so I said that " I dropped them off", but it is more like I said goodbye to Kidlet Sr. who is a fourth grader and didn't need me to come with him, so he just took off on his bike with his friends with hardly a wave back. (Sidenote: Why is it that a sign that you are doing a good job as a parent usually involves the kids moving in a direction away from you with not even a look back?) Kidlet Jr wanted me to drive him rather than him having to ride his bike. Not because he wanted me to be there with him. Oh no, not something so touching as that. He didn't want his helmet to mess up his hair. Touching, isn't it.

So I took Kidlet Jr to his second grade class, asked one of The Moms to look in on Kidlet Sr and make sure all was well, and then went to the PTA coffee. Luckily, I sat beside a Mom who has a daughter the Diva's age so they could talk really loudly in their 2 yr old speak, laugh & giggle, and pull books off of the shelf together. I pretty much had to keep the attitude of "I'll smile and look apologetic, but they will both be here for all the meetings, so get used to the noise, ladies." (Is that too bitchy an attitude? I did have a smile, remember.)

It wasn't until I got home, heard the silence, saw the silent gameroom and did not trip over any toys that I realized-- fully realized-- that school has started. I don't have to referree any arguments before my morning coffee. I might actually see The Today show if I want to. That new magazine that I can't wait to read that came in the mail in JUNE might actually get read. In fact, I think I am going to go have another cup of coffee and wander my mostly-empty house.

I have to admit, this may not be too bad after all. In fact, I just may take a nap today after the Margaritas with The Moms. Lord knows I could use one after my late-night 'first day of school' jitters. Now, let's just hope the Diva wants to take one too.

Everyone sleeps. The new clothes are washed and set out for tomorrow. The pencils are sharpened. The new shoes are still new-looking. The backpacks have been set by the door. The kids are dreaming of a new school year. The Dad is asleep probably dreaming about peace in the house. And here I am. The Mom awake and full of adrenaline. I want to sleep. I want to dream. I just looked in on the kidlets. How sweet they look.

I stood over them and smiled. And thought....If it's not too much to ask of the Big Guy Upstairs, I am asking that they have a good year. They deserve it. And let's face it...this Mom needs some sleep!

I am still in denial that school starts tomorrow. The whines are already being heard around the house.

"I am not ready. I have more to do. I didn't play enough. I didn't go to beach enough. I wasn't able to have as many fun days as I wanted. I am scared that I may not know enough to do well this year. What if no one wants to be my friend this year and come over and play? I am not ready for homework and reports and projects! What if I don't have everything that I was supposed to have for the first day of school??"

And those are just comments by me. The kids are fine.

Yes, I am obsessing. Yes, I am worrying way more than I need to. And yes, I need a life.

No wait...I need more summer!